Friday, June 28, 2013

Ultrasound scare #2

If I wasn't sure enough this was last pregnancy yesterday's ultrasound definitely made sure of that. I dread ultrasounds, I have a little excitement to see him but it's vastly overshadowed by the anxiety and fear. Yesterday was my first scan with my new hospital and since my old OB has still yet to send my medical records the new OB decided to get his own set and have me in for an in depth anatomy scan. I laid back on the table and pulled up my shirt as the tech squirted the warm goo on my belly and moved the wand around to take measurements before beginning to check the baby in detail. Benjamin and I sat in silence, holding our breath and trying to brush off the tension we always feel when we look at those fuzzy black and white images. I noticed she spent more time on the neck and even brought it into 3D and my heart immediately sank. I told myself it was nothing and maybe she was doing a 3D check on him now and would show us his face. It didn't happen. She finished and told us the doctor would be in and may or may not want to scan for himself but it doesn't mean anything is wrong, that they just do that sometimes. I foolishly believed her against my better judgement, we know better.
 After what seemed like forever my doctor came in along with another woman. That's never good news. He told us he wanted to take a closer look at the baby's neck but it's probably nothing to worry about, definitely nothing near what we experienced with Naysa. Once again I laid back and pulled my shirt up to expose my belly for the gel only this time I didn't watch. I stared at the ceiling with blurry vision from the tears welling up and held Ben's hand. All I could do was pray and silently apologize to Ben for not being able to give him a healthy baby. This is his son, he was so excited to learn we were having a little boy and now here we sit wondering what new diagnosis we've never heard of we will become experts on. The doctors and tech talked amongst themselves but I don't remember what they were saying, I hear only my heartbeat becoming less and less steady. I felt the towel put on me to wipe up the goo and we were done. He said it's nothing to be worried about but it looks like there is possibly an extra piece of bone or extra vertebrae in his neck. Typically they wouldn't even have noticed something so small but because of my prenatal history they are being nit picky. They couldn't get a good look because of his position but he would contact his friend and top radiologist to look at the images and we would answers soon. We thanked him and as they left the room I promptly lost my shit. I couldn't stop or control it and just sobbed as Ben held me. I finally composed myself and walked out of the room puffy eyed and ready to get out of that hospital, emotionally drained and wishing the day would just end already.
  A few hours later we were home and relaxing on the couch when my phone rang with an 858 number, being a special needs parent and a high risk pregnancy I answer these knowing it's a hospital or doctors office. My OB was calling to confirm there was in fact an extra piece of bone in the neck but not a full vertebrae, at what looked to be between C1 & C2. He assured me it was nothing to worry about and would have no negative effect on the baby but they would get an extra once he is here to get a better look. Ben called Grammy to ask about family history since the doctor had questioned if anyone had a history of spine problems or was particularly tall (which majority of his side are very tall.) After he got off the phone he explained to me that a few family members have an extra vertebrae so it is genetic and they've had no issue. I am feeling much better and reassured but that whole experience just brought back those traumatizing memories of the day we learned of Naysa's Encephalocele so I am still feeling a little off. Other than the extra piece of bone, he is healthy as can be and I couldn't be more thankful, BUT I am still sooo getting my tubes tied. I can't go through this again and I can't put Ben or my family through it, say what you will but I am done making beautiful Page babies! I got my perfect little bug and a boy who is already giving me panic attacks, I'm good to go.

No comments:

Post a Comment